Monday, October 10, 2005

Rollerblading is GAY

I had just run 5 miles the other day, exhausted, sweating, just plain miserable. It was about 80 degrees out, my legs hurt like a mo'fo, and I couldn't wait to sit down. But, I was happy because I knew that I had just burned close to 1,000 calories, and my body would be even more ripped than it already is. I finally finished up my run, and sat, listening to my iPod, watching people as they went by me. And then it occurred to me - rollerblading is f*cking gay.

Here are the differences between a real workout (running) vs. a gay FAIRY "workout" (rollerblading):

EXERCISE VALUE:


  • Running: burn a solid 1,000 calories per hour;
  • Rollerblading: burn more calories masturbating.

STYLE FACTOR:

  • Running: allows you to wear cutting-edge Nike or Adidas active-wear, with the latest fashion and style. Most male runners I see wear breathable Nike Sphere clothing and Dry-Fit shorts. Most woman runners I see generally wear a cool sports bra, and tight "Low-Rise" running pants, or hot shorts. There's nothing better than a hot piece of ass chick who has a tight six-pack, and C cups in a sports bra, with her hair pulled back in a pony-tail, kicking ass in a sprint;
  • Rollerblading: generally, I see most male rollerbladers wearing cut-off jean shorts, white socks pulled up to their ankles, sometimes even black socks pulled up to their ankles, and a dirty, sweaty, stained light blue, perhaps, pink tank top, or possibly, no shirt at all. Moreover, they are also likely to be sporting a "goe-t" and a shaved, buzzed, balding head. I don't see many female rollerbladers these days. And, the ones that I do, you can tell they are too lazy to run, so they throw on a set of blades and a pair of sweats, and look very un-cool doing it.

COOLNESS FACTOR:

  • Running: It's virtually impossible to look "not cool" running, unless you are running in a pair of jeans with Reebok high tops on (which I have seen before - and wish I had a trip-line handy, or a carton of rotten eggs);
  • Rollerblading: This is generally an activity for lazy pricks, who want to make themselves feel like they are exercising, but are too f'ing lazy to suck it up, and bust their lungs running a mile or so. The rollerblader is a lazy, untalented person, who is very uncoordinated. You can always tell they never excelled in sports. For the most part, 95% of rollerbladers are actually walking on their blades, instead of taking strides. They take one step, almost fall, take another step almost fall, take another step, catch themselves, maybe fall backwards on their ass. They continue this pattern for a mile or so. Thankfully, they have pads on their wrists, knees, elbows, ankles, shoulders, and a helmut on their head. I mean, really, how much more UN-cool can one possibly look?

    And here's where it gets really interesting: the rollerblader that actually knows how to rollerblade. Unfortunately, for this person, they just look so incredibly gay doing it, it's still just 100% UN-cool. Even an athletic person on rollerblades can't help but look majorly gay. They flare their arms all happily into the air, their feathered hair is blowing in the warm breeze, they take strides reminiscent of Twinkle Toes, and they just generally have a cute smile on their face, like they are having a joyous, splendid time. It's just very gay, and I get very uncomfortable watching them.

In closing, I actually would prefer to see more people roller-SKATING. At the very least, those people might look cool because they have a retro-look going, and know damn well, that what they are doing, is just for fun and not actually an exercise. Fact is, when beginning an exercise routine, take up running. You'll burn more calories, and won't look like a FAIRY doing it.

WAFS

28 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

looks like our blogger doesn't know how to rollerblade.

Cyber Mule said...

Thank you for exposing yourself as a queen.

TIA

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Anonymous said...

Hey Fairy Boy
Guess what?
YOUR GAY!

Anonymous said...

I’m a successful programmer with 2 kids and I love rollerblading on an ocean beach after work. This is my summer work out. On winter I’m a ski-instructor and going to gym for stepping.

I hate running because I’m full of it in high-school and in the university.
Believe me I’m burning the same calories but having much more fun.

The bottom line – you’re stupid if you guess about people what brand they are wearing (Reebok) or they are rollerblading.

Anonymous said...

You are ridiculous. Be grateful to see that people are at least working out and take a little less time to criticize the way they choose to do it. Not everyone who rollerblades is lazy...some people just don't like running or have problems with their joints. Rollerblading DOES burn calories and I'm not sure where you are from...but not everyone that rollerblades is male and not all wear cut off jean shorts. Based on your blog..you are the uncool one...not to mention obnoxiously brand obsessed.

Anonymous said...

wow...way not to sound like a homo-phobic asshole.

now, im not calling you one, im just saying you sound like one.

ever think that not everyone is a runner? even some of the most kick-ass atheletes don't run to get their exercise. hate to break it to you, but running isn't all that there is.

get over yourself, meat head.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, and so true rollerblading is gay.
Whats the hardest part about rollerblading?
Telling your parents you're gay.

Anonymous said...

try rollerblading. try grinding rails and ledges. try jumping down flights of stairs. Try enjoying life rather than judging people based on the activity they've chosen or their fashion sense. Maybe people aren't as fashionable as you, but maybe that makes you the gay one -- more concerned about how you look than anything else...

I can understand that there are a large number of recreational rollerbladers that do not make the sport look very good to the public, but if you take a peak at what the people doing technical tricks are doing you may at least respect that portion of the community.

Overall, dude -- chill... enjoy life and stop hating on people you don't even know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwxFJgk9_yE

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CztbGhtO9iU&NR=1

Anonymous said...

wow, this is one of the stupidest things i've read on the web, and there's a lot out there. i gather it was an attempt at humor? i'm sorry if that's the case. if it's an attempt at being offensive, it's not even at the mediocre level. it's hacky offensive. if you want hilarious and offensive try someone decent like stanhope or norton. learn from them.

Anonymous said...

seriously.
you are the gay one.
your the one who cares about looking "cool"?
FUCK YOU FAGGOT

Anonymous said...

word up fewl rollerbladings gay ass shit.....sssssskkkkkkkateeeboardddddddingggggggg

Anonymous said...

You know what burns more calories than running and is easier (and less destructive) on your joints?

Riding a bike.

Anonymous said...

I'm 18 and have been rollerblading for over 15 years. I've always dislike running for the fact that it's so high-impact. Even with superb running shoes and all the right attire, it's not good on one's joints, bottom line. Rollerblading has this "nerdy/gay" connotation that the public has bestowed upon rollerblading, and it's very unfortunate. Rollerblading is an outstanding way to get JUST as much if not more exercise as running/ jogging. Not only that, but when one rollerblades, generally they're going faster than a runner with half the effort, allowing one to travel much farther and making the experience much more exciting, it almost takes ones mind completely off the idea that they may even be burning thousands of calories.


Try to be a bit more opened minded, you're jumping right into the shallow minded stereotypical american crowd. Grow up, truly.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps his attitude has something to do with the fact he can't skate. Why does everyone who is enthusiastic about what THEY do have to criticize what others do? What is wrong with you? Isn't variety the spice of life? Wouldn't you feel totally uncool if everyone else on the planet ran too? Knock the chip of ya shoulder mate!

Anonymous said...

Rollerblading and running burn the same amount of calories.

Anonymous said...

"What is the hardest thing about rollerblading??? ... Telling your parents you are gay!!"

I agree rollerblading is pretty gay compared to running, and REALLLLY gay compared to skateboarding.

Anonymous said...

dude thats you in those pics acting gay coz u are! running isnt for every1 u know -.-
the thing is... if you fall over on skates its coz u did a trick.. if u fall over by running it means u are a div who cant run.. you cant do any tricks when ur running compared to skateing and if u watch most skating videos the pros doing street dont wear protective gear u fag..

and wats the thing about skateboarders being better?
where im from.. most of the bmxers, skaters and skateboarders all get along fine.. we dont argue much and its no prob.. considering the bmxers and skaterz are chavs and the boarders are "grungey".. we all get along fine

dont bitch about wats better..
coz u either like something or u dont. doesnt make it gay!
ur bitching bout skating coz u sat down on a bench and thought i cant skate coz im a gay mofo.. im gonna diss rolling coz im a twat who got no life..

if ur a hater ur a stupid twat

Anonymous said...

Reebok Shoes helps to run smoothly and comfortably. Reebok Offer new sports and running shoes in cheap and discounted prices.

Anonymous said...

recreational rollerblading is a little gay.
http://vimeo.com/284364
but trying to say that ^ is gay is a tough argument to make for anybody with a brain

bee-.- said...

lmao that was actually hilarious.. I was laughing reading that whole thing, ur very funny. But as funny as it was I would have to disagree, although running is a far more difficult exercise rollerblading is still cardiovascular exercise and is enjoyable..its not possible to look like a loser when u exercise! unless ur going it wrong. ;)

bee-.- said...

doing*

Anonymous said...

BwaaahHAHAHAHA! You are one sad, sick little man. YOU dress up like a fairy and take pics of YOURSELF acting gay to convince people that a sport you don't like is gay?

Seeing a total closet-flamer like you call something gay would probably make anyone with half a brain think it wasn't.

The funniest part was when you said you were ripped. Seriously, put a shirt on, fag... There's nothing gayer that some puny little geek trying to act hard by walking around without a shirt on.

Anonymous said...

Haha my girlfriend and I do downhill rollerblading and she thinks its hot and she looks sexy in her daisy dukes. And she loves when I do tricks. I also run to running is cool as shit as well. But sometimes I like to go fast so I bmx blade and skateboard, its fun shit.

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